Woody Tells Graduates To 'Be Alert' In Tongue-In-Cheek Commencement Speech

Woody, the beloved ALT 98.7 radio personality and host of "The Woody Show," is celebrating the Class of 2020 with a speech as part of the ”Commencement: Speeches for the Class of 2020” podcast on iHeartRadio. Even though the world is facing a difficult time, these hard-working students deserve a graduation ceremony, and icons from all industries from music to comedy to business have pitched in to give their own commencement speeches to cheer on graduates who are unable to walk up to the podium and obtain their diplomas.

Woody decided to give this year's graduating class something we could all use: a laugh. To anyone familiar with his humor, it's a little tongue-in-cheek ("The Woody Show" description is "Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World" after all), and his speech was no different.

Throughout he poked fun of the generation's sensitivity to gender allocations, paying debts, "the patriarchy," and so much more, but at the core of his speech the message was to "be alert."

"To sum it up to both high school and college grads, I'd just put it in a nutshell by simply saying, be alert," he said. "Be alert to the fact that a small, yet very vocal minority might try to convince you a thing so outlandish that you might believe them to be true and might even be afraid to point out their absurdity. If grades can no longer measure progress and ranking, maybe we should do away with measuring our body weight in pounds. As much as it would be nice if I could identify as 190 pounds when I'm really pushing 300, it's just not realistic."

He continued to urge students to be alert of the world around them, and think of others. "Did you just stock up at Costco by walking nine linear miles through aisles of family sized lasagna's and pallets of diapers? Then don't lose the ability to walk from your car to the cart corral, put your cart back," he said. "Did you put a co-exist bumper sticker on your car? Then truly co-exist, and don't only co-exist with mindsets that are identical to only yours. Did you see trash fall to your neighbor's garbage can and land on the street when the scoopy arm thing dumped it into the truck? Then pick it up. Be alert to toilet seats.Whether you identify as a man or a woman, close the lid. Let's end that endless argument that never ends once and for all."

He concluded his speech by admitting that life isn't fair — something this year has surely taught us. "But graduating class of 2020, simply be alert," he said. "Thank you very much, everybody from everybody at the Woody Show. Congratulations once again. Have a great summer."

Congratulations to the Class of 2020! iHeartRadio’s ”Commencement: Speeches for the Class of 2020” podcast celebrates this year’s graduating students as they take their next steps into the world. For more inspiring speeches from celebrities, athletes, business leaders and more, listen to the podcast on iHeartRadio.

Photo: Getty Images

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