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Travis Barker is opening up about the lasting trauma he experienced after surviving a deadly plane crash in 2008.
The blink-182 drummer revealed that after the crash, which killed four people, he felt like he was living in the film Final Destination — constantly waiting for something terrible to happen.
“I would go from my tour bus to the hotel, and no one would see me,” Barker admitted to PEOPLE. “I would just hide out. I was so afraid. I was just waiting for impact in the bus. I was just like, ‘Oh, I’m next. I’m going to go anytime.’”
The rocker and his friend Adam “DJ AM” Goldstein survived the crash, which occurred shortly after takeoff following a concert in South Carolina. Barker said losing Goldstein, who died the following year at age 36 from a prescription drug overdose, compounded the survivor’s guilt he experienced after the crash.
“You’re never ready for one of your best friends to pass away, especially someone who just survived a plane crash with me,” he told the outlet.
However, over time, life became easier for the musician. Today, he thinks about how his late friends would want him to live. “Those things help me push forward,” he mused.